Sex Bomb Om

So, I've noticed my sex drive is like non existent. Been this way for about a month and a half now, I mean it's concerning but still really cool I think.

I only wonder about it now bc I finally had time to masturbate and just didn't even feel the urge. Should I be concerned ? Dunno?

But my altar I have is super peaceful awesome!! :) yeah it's nice :) 

Okay bai

Hey there

5 weeks left til freedom. Freedom or more bondage hmm I don't know ? 

Vipassana like 4 or 5....Whatever free writing crazy ness dont read it

So Shopping is REALLY good therapy
                A different form of Self Love Without being Obsevvive ( SELF CONTROL!! )

free writng :
 kehfljlwgm;smlfgm so i ate a subway sandwhich it was good kinda, have work thats due tomorrow and a test friday Wing extra side of WING : ) pass the test i ashall finsh the work i shall, work all night and get 5 hours sleep i shall contradictory yes and im writing again call me jack kerowac only im not a closet bisectaul wjho will kill himself before forty or am i idk i do know just free writing need to east m]need to feed good ything i have a subway sandwhich, why is free writing an exersise doesnt this just promote the budhisst western mokey mind. im not too sure this is somethin i should practice, will this lower my anxuety having constant thoughts or thi sjust a practice to help expand that, maybe i should think on this more lol conudrum  okay so i think i really am gonna eat once i hit the halfway mark. playing the game transistor was awesome on ps4 xbox and steam superfun game i also thought of allen ginsbutrg right now need to redefine how i view relationships how i define men in general potential need to rediefine how i view humans what are people to me ate they things that need to be fixed are they things im really good at fixing with insoght wht is my relationship to myself theses are all things im posting to avoid posting something more personal and demanding of my focus split focus still allows for manidfestsation, i  really want to eat a burger right now medium still bloddy and i want cheese lettuce so many veggies sjust a veggie burger salad no bread lots of meat y blood y food y goodness  am i halfway yet?

i told you not to read it....

better

i just wanted to express that i want better habits, and im striving for more. ty thats all. 

my exhaustive list willl be kept to myself, but i want better for myself.

I dont want to get so lost in others illusions and their lives anymore, i want to be focused on my betterment. i want purer focus on my betterment and stronger belief in the allowing and achievement of it.

...
i also want adventure.

Vipassana

as i was meditating today i felt my heart beating, pulsing and causing waves throughout my body.

i relieved memories that are connected to recent traumatic experiences, it seems like my mind is on this loop where it wants me to keep analyzing situations that have long since been resolved.

fear, loops based in fear and the carrot being dangled in front of me is that i can change it.

anicha anicha....

when i get  like this i can focus on anapana and return myself to the task at hand, no craving or aversion, just focus.

i broke out of the meditation after 46.37 minutes because i wanted to, i was done. i decided i was done. it wasn't physically painful to be in it, or extremely pleasurable. i just wanted out

maybe mental discomfort was what was being passed through i  this one.

either way its time for breakfast.

Granola

So i made peanut butter Granola today, i need to wait til the third stir in when i add the peanut butter or may be second and have the butter mixed in with a second helping of coconut oil and honey. mainly because the peanut butter started to scorch and although it doesn't change the flavor in a bad way i would prefer if the granola wasn't so scorched. 

Also i may leave out the goji berries, they are very good but there is a subtle sweetness to the peanut butter granola that i really love and the super sweetness of the goji takes away from that.. 

That is All, Foodies food blog is done for the day.... maybe :)

Power Animal

So a few hours ago I saw in the evening a whole migration of hawks !!! My spirit animal , just confirming I'm on the right path. 

Thank you 

I also had rabbit reveal itself to me before I Monday , racoon yesterday night, and today first one hawk them the whole flick which was massive!! 

I can trust in myself!

I also worked through some past traumas and paranoia by just deciding I don't need to think about it. 

Going on vision quests, like all guided meditations, can be very powerful indeed! 

Highly reccomend it for greater mastery if emotions in terms of fears and other thoughts that may hold you back, bc you realize, they are only mental loops and I would rather focus on building myself versus this. :) good times 

It's also a lot easier to see the loops and roles people accept for them selves and how they choose not to hear themselves. To be self aware.

I mean if anyone is dissatisfied with life in any way, the choice is there todo something that excites you!!

You don't have to settle for boring or mediocre because you think this is all life has to offer!!

The world is Full of plenty of people who will recognize your value but they need you to recognize  your value first! 

Treat yourself better, receive better. Honor yourself, receive honor.

Winter is comming lol 

Peace 

Stay amazing, Love Alexander <3