as i was meditating today i felt my heart beating, pulsing and causing waves throughout my body.
i relieved memories that are connected to recent traumatic experiences, it seems like my mind is on this loop where it wants me to keep analyzing situations that have long since been resolved.
fear, loops based in fear and the carrot being dangled in front of me is that i can change it.
anicha anicha....
when i get like this i can focus on anapana and return myself to the task at hand, no craving or aversion, just focus.
i broke out of the meditation after 46.37 minutes because i wanted to, i was done. i decided i was done. it wasn't physically painful to be in it, or extremely pleasurable. i just wanted out
maybe mental discomfort was what was being passed through i this one.
either way its time for breakfast.
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