Sucky but trying

So here we go, you we're best friend. Me cutting you out of my life hurts like a fucking bitch because I loved you, a lot .

I've been mourning our loss for a long time. I feel paranoid, like if can't trust all my roommates. Like they know something about you that I'm missing

I know mistakes are how we learn and I have to forgive myself for meeting you. 

I have been in this cycle where I wished we never met because you knew me. 

You knew me, you were my safe space and I trusted you and I thought you were on my side.

But I was just a game.

And I should've never trusted you.

I wish things were different. I wish I didn't have to hurt myself by leaving.

 I wish I never met you, because then, unlike now, I wouldn't even know how blessed I would be with the fact that I would never miss what I never had.

I better not ever get divorced...